In Canada, most people celebrated Thanksgiving with a turkey dinner and a long weekend. And like most people, our family had a very traditional dinner on Sunday. Afterward, we watched the Blue Jays beat the Rangers and then it was on to the presidential debate. Not exactly a Thanksgiving tradition, but it certainly was eye-opening. In the widely talked about second debate of the U.S presidential election that was actually labelled “bitter and ugly” by Brian Stelter on money.cnn.com., Clinton’s opponent, Trump, attacked her, interrupted her, and even fought with the female moderator, Martha Raddatz and watching them got me thinking about the difficult people we have all faced in our careers– the coworkers who interrupt you when you’re speaking, the patients who attack you for the high cost of treatments. It is easily the worst part of the day and sometimes it can add even more stress to the stress of juggling a heavy amount of tasks and trying to keep from melting down.
So, how do you handle the difficult people that inevitably become part of the job? The one positive I took from the debate was how Clinton handled herself. She showed even throughout the scathing remarks of her opponent that she could remain calm, poised and most importantly, professional. And those are the essential elements of handling difficult people. Just like with negative reviews, it is how you react that counts. Below are five suggestions as to how to handle difficult people in your dental office.
- Examine Yourself First
More than likely you are not going head-to-head with a “Trump” so it is important to examine yourself first before attempting to handle a difficult person. Are you overreacting? Or have you always experienced difficulty with the same type of person or actions? Basically, the question becomes (whether we want it to or not), “is it me?” and it is a fair question. Take time to calm down and reflect on what’s really going on. Discover first whether the object of your attention really is a difficult person or if that difficult person is you.
- Confront the problem
I am not an expert in the field of conflict resolution, hence why I consult the experts, but I have dealt with my fair share of colleagues and bosses, and if you are like me, the last thing you want to do is approach the person who is causing you so much grief. However, letting the anger build and fester inside you is not a healthy way to cope with it and can cause mental as well as physical damage. Solution: confront the person in the most calm and professional way possible. Ask them what is going on and get the entire issue out in the open for both of you to assess and address. According to Susan Heathfield at thebalance.com, “If left unaddressed, it (the situation) usually gets worse. Unaddressed, necessary conflict simmers just below– and often erupts counterproductively above– the surface at work.”
- Ask for clarity
Getting into an argument with a colleague can get dicey. But before the anger turns the argument into harsh words neither of you can take back, stop, breathe, and ask for clarification. Sometimes anger can cloud your judgment, make you think you’re being perfectly clear when you’re really not. If you’re being misunderstood or you’re misunderstanding the other person, utilizing good active listening skills will help here.
- Keep Your Cool
All we can do in difficult situations is control our reactions. Maintaining composure in a difficult situation says a lot about your temperament. Being less reactive, you are able to use better judgment. As an example, in the second presidential debate, Clinton merely listened to Trump attack her personal life and her professional ideals, however, instead of interrupting as Trump so often did when he was upset, Clinton either took a deep breath and smiled or began jotting down notes.
- Agree to Disagree
So many of us think, if we just make the point of the century and we fight as hard as we can for as long as we can, we will eventually get through to that difficult person. But the truth is, getting into an argument that is not beneficial to the dental practice is not worth your time, effort, or energy when it’s clear the difficult person won’t budge. After a hard fight with absolutely no give, it is time to lay down your sword and just agree to disagree. It is also important to note here that if this conflict continues, it could mean bad news for you as you may be labelled as a difficult person, too.
- Separate the person from the issue
Effective communicators know that to maintain a professional relationship with the difficult coworker, you must “be soft on the person and firm on the issue” stated by Preston Ni on Psychology Today’s website. You don’t have a problem with the person but rather their means of being difficult. If they are being aggressive in their argument or they are being loud, Ni suggests using the following:
“I want to talk about what’s on your mind, but I can’t do it when you’re yelling. Let’s either sit down and talk more quietly or take a time out and come back this afternoon.”
Addressing the situation in this way shows that you are still willing to discuss the issue or issues but in a more calm and professional manner. By doing so, you are establishing yourself as a strong problem-solver and communicator with excellent people skills.
The takeaway here is that how you deal with difficult people in and outside the office, all depends on you and your attitude. Heathfield writes that “how difficult a person is for you to deal with depends on your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your professional courage.” This is by no means an exclusive list. How do you handle difficult people? Please feel free to add your suggestions in the comments below. Also, please check out the resources below for more information and even more suggestions.
Resources
- https://www.thebalance.com/how-to-deal-with-difficult-people-at-work-1919377
- https://www.thebalance.com/how-to-deal-with-a-negative-coworker-negativity-matters-1917875
- http://www.oralhealthgroup.com/blogs/workplace-conflicts-tips-for-the-dental-hygienist-who-wants-to-stay-above-the-fray/
- http://www.oralhealthgroup.com/features/taking-your-team-from-to-conflict-to-chemistry/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201309/ten-keys-handling-unreasonable-difficult-people
- http://money.cnn.com/2016/10/10/media/clinton-trump-debate-nielsen-twitter-facebook/
- http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/10/politics/presidential-debate-takeaways/index.html
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